You can learn a lot about a society by listening to its epithets. The use of racial epithets tells you that a society cares about race (i.e., that race is an issue, that it matters). The use of insults like “retard” or “idiot” can tell you that a society values intelligence (and then chooses to demonstrate that in an idiotic way). The use of physical insults tells you that society is obsessed with appearance.
In American society today, one of the worst things you can say about someone is that he or she is judgemental. [BTW, I know that the most common American spelling is “judgment” without an ‘e’ after the ‘g.’ The way I spell it is considered acceptable by most dictionaries, but if you must know, I simply do not accept the other spelling and I refuse to use it.] Somewhere along the path of our societal evolution, we have decided that judging is bad. Not just bad. It is one of the worst crimes. It means you think you know it all. It means you’re probably a narrow-minded reactionary and not very much fun. It means you might even be, gasp, a Republican!
I suspect this attitude emerged as a reaction to some terrible events in recent history. World War 2 and its genocide, the Stalinist purges, Vietnam, Rwanda, etc. And not only these horrific crimes against humanity but even smaller offenses like Nixon’s abuse of power. All of these, I think have made people afraid of certainty. I think the belief is that certainty leads inevitably to the willingness to act with complete disregard for all else but the cause at hand. I cannot say that this belief does not have its place. I do agree that certainty must be tempered both by an appreciation for human fallibility and by a prevailing moral sense that proscribes certain actions no matter how right we think we are.
However, I cannot agree that judgementalism is bad. In fact, I would argue that if you are not judgemental then you are a bad person. If that statement offends you, I ask that you not judge me. Well not just yet. Read on first.
Let’s start out by defining what judging is. Essentially, judgement is about evaluating and forming a critical opinion. And this, my friends, is a prerequisite for any morality. Think about it. If you believe there is right or wrong, good or bad, how do you know whether a given behavior is good or bad? Wouldn’t you have had to judge it in order to make this determination? And even if you are just blindly following some leader, wouldn’t that person have had to make such a judgement? No, without judgement there can be no morality. Without judgement, you could not decide whether some new event, situation or behavior was good or bad, right or wrong. Nor could you draw such a conclusion for pre-existing situations as those were new at some time and would have required someone to make a determination when they first arose.
If you did not start reading this post predisposed in favor of judgementalism then you are probably objecting on the grounds that not everything is our business. That we should keep to ourselves and not intrude on the lives of others. People don’t like moralizers after all. But think about this a bit more. And let me help you with an extreme (and, admittedly, unfair) example. Say you heard that a small child was raped. Would you not feel very comfortable saying that the act of raping that child was bad, evil, terrible…? I’m sure you would. And you probably have a bunch of other actions that would set you off in a similar manner. But you only know that child rape is evil because you have judged it. The fact that this particular judgement is extremely easy for you and happens instantaneously, does not make it any less of a judgement. Now if you accept that there is right and wrong (and you must in order to say that child rape is wrong) then you must also accept that everything must either be right or wrong, or, at least, subject to the question of whether it is right or wrong. Not just extreme cases like genocide, child rape, terrorism, etc. but everything, including the little things that you think are none of your business. And the only way you are going to make these determinations of right and wrong is by judging. More importantly, the only way that we can have a truly moral society is for the citizenry to have a finely tuned moral sense including the ability to make moral judgements. This sensibility is certainly not developed by shying away from opportunities to develop it in the fear that someone might be offended.
I’m guessing you might also oppose judgementalism on the grounds that we just don’t know everything. We have incomplete information so we might just get it wrong. Sure. You are right. But this limitation does not absolve you of your responsibility to do whatever you can to positively influence the quality of our society. And furthermore, you do not let your lack of complete information truly hinder you in other areas of your life. If you did, you would probably curl up in a ball and stay that way because you couldn’t be sure that a meteor wasn’t about to fall on you. Life forces you to make decisions. Without perfect information. Some of those decisions are inconsequential like what to order at a restaurant. Others are of greater moment. But you cannot avoid these decisions. And closing your eyes is a decision of sorts as well. So yes, we do not have perfect information which means we cannot make perfect judgements. But we can still do our best.
Now none of this means that you all should just go out there and start judging everything left and right as if you’re some sort of god. We’ve got to lay out a few rules of the road.
- First of all, we can judge behaviors and ideas not people. We are simply not in a position to judge people. We don’t know fully what is in their minds and hearts.
- Second, you don’t have to express every judgement any more than you have to tell someone they’re fat just because they are. Some thoughts ought to remain inside your head.
- Don’t get drunk with power. Remember, you might be wrong. Either because of a lack of information or just because you’re not that damn smart and your logic is screwy. So cool it. If you absolutely must impose your judgement on someone then you gotta do what you gotta do. But if the situation does not really demand that you stick your nose in, then do the judgement thing in your head – it’s good practice – but keep your mouth closed.
- It ain’t easy. Judgement requires patience, intelligence, wisdom, etc. If you don’t have those things then get them.
- Be nice. Judgement does not have to be delivered with sharpness. Sometimes it should be. But many times the wisest way to express a judgement is with kindness and sweetness. Remember, it’s not an adversarial thing. It’s just about making our world better.
{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
this is some heavy stuff, but it’s about time that people recognize that being judgemental is part of the human, moral experience. bravo.
Thanks Jer. This was not an easy one to write. But I felt it needed to be said.
Spoken (written) like a true ESTJ! But even an INTP would admit you make a good point. (I learned something @ ILW)